I regarded myself as a Born again Christian yet I don’t live like real Christians do. I don’t do my quiet time as often as everyday. I still cuss and curse. I still disrespect other people. I still gossip. I simply don’t practice what I preach. The past two Tuesdays have been so difficult for me especially that I was with a group of wonderful people with so much wisdom to share and it felt like I am a mediocre Christian. Yet, today the Lord touches my heart and said “Hey Little girl, no matter what you do, you are my daughter.”
Yes…I am trembling inside while typing my thoughts away. Because today I realized how much love I receive everyday yet neglect to reciprocate. Not that I am compelled to do it but to me I feel like I have the responsibility to share love, to love someone unconditionally. My constant prayer request is, for my father to receive Jesus, for my father to find his worth, for my father to become more fatherly to us, for my father’s transformation. I haven’t even accepted him as my father, I haven’t even showed love, I haven’t even respected him. Oh! What a lowly Christian am I? Lord, forgive me. Forgive me father that I shun these things I thought were simple and cause my father to shy away from everything. Lord, teach my heart to love without conditions, teach my heart to care unfailingly. Lord, that these words will not be just words but this shall be put into action. Honestly? When was the last time I gave my father a hug? 8 years ago on my graduation day? I did not think that my father also went through a whole lot and did not even receive encouragement from us. He probably is not a difficult father after all. Sigh!
Breathe Breathe Breathe!
I need to breathe deeply and inhale and exhale with gratitude…I still have the chance to make amends. Tomorrow means chance. Something to look forward to. Lord, just continue to guide me.